Recipe for a Riot
Imagine paying $180 for the Summer of Love Woodstock music festival experience, and instead pulling up at Area 51. Concertgoers went from pitching tents on an Air Force runway to rioting and looting in less than 72 hours.
There’s a documentary series on Netflix called “Trainwreck.” about Woodstock ‘99. The Woodstock founder was not only a Boomer but a rich hippie Boomer. He and his team managed to cook up the perfect recipe for a revolt.
According to the doc, this is how it went down.
How to create the perfect conditions for a Riot
Put profits before everything else
Rich Hippie Boomer (RHB) sold a quarter million tickets to a peace and love music festival and booked every white male rage band from the 90s. What ticketholders got for their money was a decommissioned military base with an 8-mile-long plywood wall surrounding them, and any food or water they brought taken away. Everything had to be purchased inside and the prices were so high people left early because they ran out of money.
2. Make it as hot as possible
Temperatures surpassed 100 degrees and shade was hard to come by on the hot tarmac. Vendors price gouged everything, including water, and the tap water wasn’t safe to drink. The only place to cool off was the rave hangar. One man who was also at the original Woodstock died of heat stroke along with two other attendees.
3. Don’t stress about sanitation
The tap water provided was contaminated so the people who were able to access it got trench mouth. It was the same with showers. The trash cans and porta potties weren’t emptied. By the first night, there was already raw sewage and trash spilling out onto the ground.
4. Don’t research the entertainment
How are you going to book Insane Clown Posse and not expect some Juggalos to gather? RHB didn’t bother to check out the bands they were booking. No shade to these bands or their fans, but it’s not peace and love hippie music. It’s fucking metal!
And last but not least…
5. Pass out candles
They passed out 100,000 candles (the only free thing) and then Red Hot Chili Peppers played a cover of Jimi Hendrix’s song “Fire.” And that’s when they burned the whole festival down. The Peace Wall fence was ripped apart and used as fuel for bonfires.
Voila! Instant Riot!
When they looted the food and merch vendors - the same vendors charging dehydrated human beings up to $12 for a bottle of water - they were just like Jesus in the temple when he flipped those tables. Until the propane tanks exploded, it was just a little bit spiritual.
Luckily the Roman Cops, (the host city was actually called Rome) showed up before the executions started. There were between 500-700 New York State Police backed up by the onsite security or “Peace Patrol.” The looters also got away with six ATMs.
To me, it was an inspiring documentary. RHB kept saying how the rioters “didn’t get the spirit of Woodstock.” I disagree. It was he who forgot the true meaning of Woodstock. It’s supposed to be about community, weed, and letting the music guide you, not greed.
It was worse than Fyre Fest, but at least those kids had social media and rich parents to sound the alarm. Gen X didn’t even have cell phones. The only thing they had to fight back with was mosh. So when Fred Durst said “give me something to break,” they let the music guide them to tear the stage apart with just their bodies.
When water costs more than beer, you can’t blame Limp Bizkit! This was 1999. Think about the state of the world then. Everyone was freaking out about Y2K. It was a world before Shrek! It was a very uncertain time. Can we dream of what a different event it would have been with Smash Mouth on the bill?
The Woodstock Riots of ‘99 were the most 90’s thing that ever happened, and we Millennials owe our elders respect. It was a battlefield of anarchy out there and they fought hard for the rights we have at festivals today. The most hardcore thing about Gen X is if you asked someone who was there, they’d say it was the best day of their life.
Side Note: While this is meant to be a funny commentary on the documentary and the event itself, I don’t want to gloss over the sexual assault that occurred. It’s disgusting. Being nude, on drugs, or passed out is not an excuse to victimize someone.